My mother's date of birth is 13-February-1930. She is 82 years old as on 22-March-2012.
February - 2011 - She fell down in my house at Chennai when I had been to Samayapuram in Trichy with my wife and son. She was alone with my father at that time. Thanks to the neighbours who helped her on that day. After a few days she was struggling from malaria. I admitted her in Eswari Hospital, in Kolathur, Chennai. There was an improvement after two weeks.
December - 2012 - Our servant maid complained to my wife that my mother dumped with more number of sarees in a single day for washing. My wife sensed some health problem with my mother. On the same day when I went upstairs where I kept my parents in comfortable double bed room flat to know if she had any health problem. I could not find her in her room. Father told me that she had been to bathroom to take her Friday oil bath. I was waiting for more than half an hour and had a doubt since there was no noise from the bathroom. I knocked at the bathroom door and my mother was groaning. Realizing the situation I immediately rushed inside the bathroom where I found my beloved mother had fallen on the floor. (My advice to elders: Please do not shut the bathroom door or toilet door when you use it.) I picked up her and kept her on the bed.
I decided to stay on that night in the room where my mother stayed. She fall once again when she wanted to go to bathroom. I did not sleep that whole night and decided to bring her down to my own flats. She too agreed. I shifted my parent to ground floor and vacated the first floor. I appointed two nursing aayahas, each demanded Rs 8000/- p.m.
My mother talked peculiarly and irrelevantly sometimes and recollected some old incidents very frequently as though those events are happening at the present. She had confusion between morning and evening. However she was able to tell the time from wall clock.
Her consumption of food was coming down day by day. She took fluids only. She was struggling with constipation problem and insisted me one day to take her to a nearby doctor. She requested the doctor to give her enema though he hesitated, later agreed and asked aayah to give enema. Next day the problem of constipation was solved. But, she did not take enough food and asked once again to admit her in a good hospital. I consulted a doctor and she admitted her in her private hospital. She did various testing and scanning and finally told that she had been struggling from dementia and discharged her. She advised me to change the place of residence. I requested my second elder brother to keep her for some days for a change. He categorically refused. I appointed a full time aayah from another agent. My mother was unhappy with her and insisted me to send her out. Since her wages was less I ignored my mother's request and retained that lady. On one Friday night, my mother removed her mangala sutra (thaali) with the the golden chain, ear rings and nose ring and kept them inside the pillow cover. We were worried on her different behaviour and tried to contact my brothers and sister in the midnight. On the next day morning I counseled my mother for her different behaviour, but she insisted me to send the aayaah out and told me that she would run away with her jewels. I sent the aayyah out. I thought of changing the place might help my mother for a recovery from her illness. I requested my eldest brother who was in Hyderabad. He too declined, and mocked at me adding that everything was due to my bad luck and ill fate. I got irritated and decided to teach a lesson to him. I arranged a taxi to Hyderabad where my brother leads his royal life (as he usually claims to be!) in a bungalow. I thought of keeping my mother in a better place also as per my doctor's advice. My sister too accompanied my wife and myself. We took our parents in the taxi and reached on 18th January 2012 in the midnight.
When we suddenly reached his house with our parents both my sister-in-law and brother got upset. Yet, they allowed us to take our parents inside their house. I told so many reasons and theories and tried to justify my surprise action. We returned to Chennai next day in the same taxi, leaving my parents at Hyderabad. I cried in silence for my wrong action. However my sister supported my action and justified my position.
In a couple of days, my brother rang me up and compelled me to take back the parents immediately stating that mother preferred her last days only with me in Chennai. Because of continuous support to my mother for several months I lost my career and business. I wanted to gear up my financial status and that is why I left my mother and father under my eldest brother's custody. Nobody understood my critical position. I had already informed about the financial loss to my sister and she too supported my swift action of shifting my parents to my eldest brother's house at Hyderabad.
On 19th March 2012, my sister-in-law took a revenge on me. She did the same way as I did in January. She simply packed invalid mother like a parcel and delivered at my home at Chennai in surprise with the aid of her sister and driver. I felt very bad about my brother not having accompanied in the taxi from Hyderabad and not even communicated to me about their plan to come to Chennai. Fortunately, I was at Chennai on that day, and I was about to start on the next day to attend to my job. Those two ladies dropped my invalid mother and drove away in the taxi within 5 minutes.They told me in loud voice that the old lady will die in 2 days! By God's Grace or by His Will, my beloved mother is still surviving.
We have decided to take care of our mother till her last breathe and our father also. My father did not understand the nature of the disease of his wife. He slapped my mother one day for not having taken the food. When my mother told that incident with her tears rolling down my heart was burst. Then I advised my father and explained her status of mind, her inability, stress and weakness of the brain cells.
I request all the family members of any such old people or any beloved persons suffering from dementia to learn how to manage the situation, stress, emotions and to cooperate each other in managing the finance and nursing care. There are some good forums and voluntary organisation helping such people. I request philanthropists, trusts, NGOs and government agencies to come forward to support the caregivers and save the patients as well as the caregivers.
I request the readers to bear with my poor language, since it was typed at extempore with lot of stress in my mind.
